The most difficult and frustrating parenting task for my husband and I was figuring out the best way to discipline. Well, it wasn’t until child number two that we had questions. Child one was low key and compliant. All we had to do was talk to him and all was right with the world. Child two was…well, lets use the word trying. Child two was trying. Yeah, that works.
With child two came questions like, should we spank, how should we spank (hand or paddle), and whether he will need college after the prison system or will the inmate education plan be sufficient? Really, he wasn’t that bad; but, these were the true to life actual thoughts that ran through our heads and entered our conversations.
We read books and took classes at church, talked to friends and family; but, nothing gave us peace as to what was the best method for discipline. Until… one day, as I was reading through the book of Genesis, I saw the perfect principles of discipline in the way God disciplined Adam and Eve. (Genesis 3).
God’s perfect principles for Godly Discipline:
1. Discipline involves pain. Let me start this off by noting that work isn’t part of the punishment. We were created to work.
Genesis 2:5 says, “No shrub of the field had yet grown on the land, and no plant of the field had yet sprouted, for the Lord God had not made it rain on the land, and there was no man to work the ground” (HCSB)
The punishment was not having to work but the pain that would now be involved. It would no longer be easy, carefree and dare I say, FUN!
As a parent, I need to make sure the punishment is meaningful to my child. Something that invokes sacrifice and character refining consequences. Discipline needs to be relevant to the individual child and circumstance deserving correction.
2. The work of discipline yields fruit. There was a prosperous end result to the toils of their labor-the harvest. They had to work harder and learn new ways to conquer the obstacles that now oppose their efforts. Yet, the work of their hands still produced bountiful blessings from God and hopefully, a more humble and God refined character. God allows us to enjoy the fruit of our labor as we walk in obedience and it is even better when we remember to honor Him with it.
Likewise, I need to ensure that the punishment for my child has a positive yield, something they can take away from it and add to their life.
Two ways to accomplish this are to:
a. Make sure the punishment is relevant to the child and the action (as stated previously) In Genesis 4 God modeled this with Cain.
b. Make sure my child understands why the punishment was given and teach him how to modify his behavior in the future.
3. God covered their shame. Shame was a result of sin not God’s discipline. God covered Adam and Eve’s shame by providing clothing to cover their nakedness (Genesis 3:21). I love that God provided the garments. He didn’t have them add to their grief by making them kill the animal to make skins to wear. He showed his compassion and mercy for them.
Shame should never be part of the punishment. Shame destroys and is counterproductive to restoration. A proper punishment will be corrective and not serve to further demise the psychological integrity of the child. This doesn’t mean to withhold discomfort as discussed in the first point. The punishment should help correct and restore the child to a right standing and to instruct them in the way of godliness.
4. God allowed for restoration. God put guards in place at the garden to protect the tree of life and prevent man from eating of it prematurely. If man had taken fruit from that tree while in his sin state, we would not have had the opportunity to be restored through Jesus Christ. God not only allowed for restoration, He provided it through Jesus–the Way to be truly and completely restored into a right relationship with Him. Restoration is a vital element in the discipline process and should be the desired outcome.
I love how God always provides what we need when we need it. Even from Bible passages we’ve read over and over again. He always shows me something new.
Thank you, God, for your mercy and compassion. Thank you for showing me how to be a better parent and providing these principles for godly discipline. And thank you most of all for providing redemption through Jesus who willing gave Himself in my place so that I can have a right relationship with You. In Jesus Name~Amen.